Newsflash: Bangalore is in Karnataka

This is a public service announcement, sponsored by no one.

If you have a store/shop in Bangalore, please make sure that you write the signs in Kannada. You may use English too, but only if the Kannada version is present. If not, your name shall be blackened.

If you are from another state, please learn Kannada. You may speak in English or Hindi for some of the time, but speaking in Tamil may cause problems, especially if you’re asking for water.

If you can’t read Kannada, you’ll find it difficult to read the signs on the buses. If you also can’t speak Kannada, pray that the conductor knows English or Hindi. Also, learn to say, ‘I am learning Kannada’. In Kannada, not English. Another option is to buy a bike or a car. but you may need to speak Kannada with the dealer.

Watch Kannada movies, to appreciate the culture of Karnataka. Also, you will help the starving artists of the movie industry.

If you work in a call centre, speak Kannada with your clients, even if they’re in the US. If they’re calling someone in Karnataka, then they should speak Kannada.

If you’re from another state, please change your name so that it sounds like you’re from Karnataka. Also, please carry adequate documentation stating that you renounce your state of birth and that you are a born-again-Kannadiga.

(If you’re from Belgaum, meet me offline; you’ve more problems than this blog post can solve.)

If you’re from another country, make sure that the country is richer than Karnataka. Otherwise, learn Kannada.

If you don’t like Kannada food, starve.

If you visit a pub, drink only alcohol made in Karnataka, using Cauvery water.

PS: Ideally, this post should’ve been written in Kannada.

PPS: This post was inspired in part by the comments left on my post titled ‘Bangalore, the day after’

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18 thoughts on “Newsflash: Bangalore is in Karnataka

  1. You what ever what not blah blah. How dare you say such things about Bangalore? Before writing anything further, I must do a credibility check on you.
    Ahh.. Wait.. I do know that you are in Banglaore. OK. Point accepted. :-)
    PS: Surprised?
    PPS: Ideally, I should have wrote this in Kannada, but I don’t know Kannada too..

  2. :) I can see that Kannada is getting to you. Had a laugh with the para ending with talking Kannada with the dealer.

  3. Well, I will deny that your post was witty and funny, but seriously, why pick only on Kannada ?
    What’s wrong with immigrants to the state learning the local language, appreciating its culture and food, and its movies.
    Why should all of India be ruled only by Hindi speaking people?
    Do you think people/condctors on a bus/ train in Northern India would bother to speak to us in kannada if we did not know their language?
    . Why should local people here know Hindi ? English is fine, but why ridicule people for not knowing English and , especially for not knowing Hindi.
    For a change, why don’t people from other states try and speak in kannada ?

    And Tamil speaking residents of Krnataka, speak pretty good kannada !!

    And no one’s asking anyone to eat Karnataka’s cuisine. There are many restaurants/hotels serving North Indian and other food.
    How come no one questions people who speak Hindi, as to why they bloody hell can’t speak English but rattle off words in Hindi after starting off with a word of English !!

    No one is asking you to preserve Karnataka’s heritage and culture. But when people are doing it, I think outsiders should respect it.

    You know, I hate this attitude from people who come here to Bangalore to work and ridicule everything from food, to the people to the roads, language…
    Their cities are probably full of s*** which is why they cannot work and stay there. So they come here and act strange.

  4. Its nice to *want* to learn the local language, not to *have* to.
    I love the food, the people are by and large friendly and non-aggressive. Its merely the stray “upholders of Kannada pride” that cause the little bit of worry. Actually its not just here, from Iran to Bihar to Maharashtra to Red America, “honour” and “our way” is rapidly becoming the refuge of the …. fanatic hardline intolerance is becoming popular.

    I’m just Indian, and try to see the whole country as my own place. A few more of us and we’ll solve this crap.

  5. They’re doing it in the North, so we should do it here is not the most persuasive argument. And, if people criticize something, getting defensive doesn’t help things at all.

    Bangalore’s roads and the traffic problems are real, anyone who’s lived in this city for more than three years can tell you that there’s been a palpable change for the worse.

    Oh, I could go on and on, but I won’t. As Sameer said, I’m Indian and I’d like to live anywhere I chose. As long as I’m paying the taxes and am a lawful citizen, what’s the problem?

  6. Although i am late little bit, dude juzt go to some other conservative states nearby and comeback and say these same words, u dont dare to do so. No need to hurt the sentis of people over here, ofcourse we are indians by heart and soul but you should give due respect. People are very cooperative here and try their level best communicate in languages they comprehend. Although some bad ones ull find both in north and south. It doesnt mean that to make u comfortable one has to leave their own lang, culture. I agree to Asma cent percent.

  7. First, it was a humour piece. Second, if I say something, that too on a blog, it’s not meant to hurt the ‘sentis’ of people. Like I don’t have anything better to do.

    The question that begs to be asked is this: why should being an Indian at ‘heart and soul’ prevent me from criticising anything in India? If I praise India does that mean I’m a better citizen?

    india is great–there you go.

  8. Karnataka has provided you with a good life (otherwise you wouldn’t stay here). Is it too much to expect that you appreciate our language and culture too? If you can’t do this, you can expect more of this aggression.
    (and you can not do anything else but take it out here on a blog like a pussy)

    Most of you said you did not know how to write in Kannada. Here is how
    “ಕರ್ನಾಟಕಕ್ಕೆ ಬಂದೂ ಕನ್ನಡ ಕಲಿಯಕ್ಕೆ ಆಸೆ ಇಲ್ಲ ಅಂದ್ರೆ, ನಿಮ್ಮ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಭಾಷೆ ಮಾತಾಡಿಕೊಂಡು ನಿಮ್ಮ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಊರುಗಳಲ್ಲೇ ಇರಿ,”
    For those of you who are Kannada challenged, this meant that,
    “if you are in Karnataka and still you don’t want to learn Kannada, please stay in your own towns”

  9. Thank you for the fascinating comment about the difference between our cultures.

    Hmm, you had to translate the comment that you’d written in Kannada into English. That’s textbook irony for you–priceless.

  10. Time has come to non kannadigas to turn tail and leave the state.

    ಕರ್ನಾಟಕದ ಅನ್ನ ತಿಂದು, ಇಲ್ಲ್ಲಿನ ನೀರು ಕುಡಿದು ಇದೆ ರಾಜ್ಯಕ್ಕೆ ದ್ರೊಹ ಬಗೆಯುವ ಜನರೆ, ನಿಮಗಿಂತ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿನ ಬೀದಿ ನಾಯಿಗಳು ಎಷ್ಟೊ ವಾಸಿ.

  11. Hi All,

    Why split the country into many sub countries? India is one nation. It’s better to know at least three languages. English, Hindi, a regional language besides Mother tongue.

    “ellarigu kannada mathadike barabekuantha heluvadhu saadhiyaney illa.”

    Kannadigas near Hosure speak good Tamil and those near Chitoor speak Telugu, those near uthara karnatka pick up Hindi and Marathi.
    Telugu, Kannadam, Malayalam were born out of Tamil – the foremost Dravidian language created by Saint Agastiya when he went for thaps on Podhigai hills.

    Arey baba… we are living in a fast life world. Language and political fanatics will talk nonsense for their livelihood. Never heed to those words!!

    “Tamil therinja kannadam sulabama varum. ”
    “Telugu raasinthuku thelistehy kannadam kachithanga osthoonthi.”

    Please…please don’t restrict yourself within the clutches and pressure of the political scenario.

    Culture and heritage unites us all.

    “Travel & Shopp” travel magazine unites Chennai and Bengaluru through culture and heritage.
    For more details contact: Maju – 09444906905

  12. hey hey hey i m from diff state…………. i respect each and every religion and there tradition even i like south tradition but it dosent mean that we r leaving in b’lore so we have to be like kannad…………..
    we r INDIAN man and hindi is our national language ……….. even my mother tung is diff but i know hindi……….i m not forcing people to speak in my mother tung ……….let it be i faced many problem in b’lore ,working in IT … i found local people hate outsiders and some times giving threates what the hell is this ………..it should not be like this ……………if we do like this within in INDIA then what will happen with outside world………..

  13. hey asma
    i agree with u but u just look at my point and tell me whats wrong in my point…….c we r educated people and we should respect each and every tradition and culture ….. why we all r fighting coz of some fooools ……….
    and one more thing poeple says north indian r stealing kannads jobs which is totaly false …….. in IT field MNC or Other company won’t c that employee is kannad or outsider ……………competition r equal …..

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