Salary Survey: An Insider’s Perspective

Note: I wrote this piece for an online magazine but they rejected it on grounds that it could hurt someone’s feelings. It did end up hurting someone’s feelings… mine.

This was a while back and the piece was in cold storage, where it remained till it was discovered by Smeagol a.k.a. Gollum. That’s another story.

An insider’s* perspective on the STC Salary Survey

Was it just me or did you think that the 2005 STC salary survey was a statistician’s wet dream come true? I’ve heard that all over India, statisticians are salivating over the regression analysis that they can perform with the coefficient of restitution used in the survey.

Okay, so I don’t know much about statistics. I know it’s a branch of physics, but the details confuse me.

What I do know was that the salary survey was exhaustive as hell. Compare this with the last time, when you could print the survey results in three or four pages.

This time, the results were so huge, they almost had to use a crane to give a copy to the chief guest during the STC Job Fair. You try getting a crane inside Windsor Manor in Bangalore!

Luckily, someone managed to lift the salary survey and handed it to the chief guest. The chief guest left soon after, citing arm pain. (This is also insider* information.)

The 2005 STC salary survey was so exhaustive that STC even organised a panel discussion on the salary survey. There were about 23 people on the panel, which means that each of them got to speak for half a minute.

And, they had half a minute for rebuttals and audience questions. I’m kidding, the number of people on the panel was more like 20.

The panel discussion was interesting, which is a nice way of saying that I don’t remember a thing that was said. But, there were lots of things said and the bottom line was that everyone had something to say. This is important when you have a panel discussion.

The reason I can’t remember anything was that there was this cute blonde woman sitting right across me, making eyes at me, so I was a little distracted.

That last paragraph was a test to see if you were paying attention.

Firstly, there aren’t any cute, technical writing, blonde women in Bangalore. And even if there are, how stupid do you think they are to make eyes at me? Really, blondes aren’t that stupid. Plus, she was a brunette anyway.

But seriously, the survey, exhaustive though it was, didn’t answer a few important questions, such as:

1. Is there a correlation between where your parents were born and the salary you make?

2. Does using mouthwash after brushing your teeth impact your salary? What about dental floss?

3. And, the most important question of them all — Do they serve snacks where you work?

Maybe we’ll see the answers to these questions in the next survey. Then again, maybe not.

* — The term insider refers to the fact that I was inside the hall where the STC salary survey results were first released for public consumption.

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