How to come up with company names

This is the definitive guide for company names, which I have uncovered through hard journalistic labour. Follow at your own risk:

  1. Select a random word from the dictionary. I use the word random lightly. If you don’t like the random word you select, try again till you get one.
  2. If you don’t like the random word process, you can simply make up a word or a phrase and its pronunciation if necessary. Examples: PAS (Pace), Elppa (pronounced L, because the ‘ppa’ part is silent)
  3. Include the word global in the company name someplace. Even if your company is local, I’d urge you to use this word anyway it adds that extra something to your company’s name.
  4. Throw in the word solution in the name. Examples: Perspire Dry Cleaning Solutions, Neptune Lighting Solutions, Reachfast Transportation Solutions… you get the picture.
  5. Rearrange the words to form something coherent. This means that ‘Solutions’ usually comes at the end and ‘Global’ somewhere near the beginning. Examples: Nopain Global Dental Solutions (good), Dirty Cleaning Global Solutions (not bad).
  6. Be sure to add the letters TM whenever you use your company’s name. No one is sure what this means though some think it means transcendental meditation which it clearly does not–TM means Tiringly Monotonous.

Once you’ve decided on a name, you have to then come up with a tag line, preferably one that’s catchy. We’ll talk about tag-lines another day.

This post has been a production of Stalagmite Global Communications Solutions (TM).

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5 thoughts on “How to come up with company names

  1. “..Dirty Cleaning Global Solutions..” – That was hilarious! BTW, do they clean or do they make a liquid (solution) that cleans? :P

    Can so totally relate to this post – People are starting companies with super weird names now-a-days.

  2. Came across a something-or-the-other Logistics Solutions Pvt. Ltd. some time ago, on the back of a taxi! Don’t remember if ‘Global’ was thrown in as well…

    ‘Logistics’ seems to be another hot and happening word when it comes to company names, especially those involved in transport of any sort.

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